


The Weight of it All

by wingeddserpent



Category: Wicked - Schwarz/Holzman
Genre: Canonical Character Death, Character Study, Gen
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2010-07-29
Updated: 2010-07-29
Packaged: 2017-10-10 20:40:43
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,049
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/104045
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/wingeddserpent/pseuds/wingeddserpent
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Nessarose has time to reflect just before the house crashes down on her. Rated for swearing.</p>
            </blockquote>





	The Weight of it All

**Author's Note:**

> Written for the prompt: "The voice of conscience is so delicate that it is easy to stifle it; but it is also so clear that it is impossible to mistake it." -- Anne Louise Germaine Necker

There’s that split second—before it all comes crashing down—where she realizes what’s about to happen. That moment where she realizes that she deserves it. And then comes the fear, crippling, and it steals her ability to move and run and flee—because she can do that now—and then it’s over.

It’s over. Ding dong the bitch is dead. Which old bitch? The wicked bitch!

Good riddance. With a life like hers, the only joy comes at its end.

Nessarose Thropp, the Wicked Witch of the East. It’s so fitting to be squashed by a house, the only things visible of her are the red shiny shoes. Those goddamn shoes were the proof that Frex  loved her and not Elphaba, while the enchantment was proof that her sister would love her no matter what she did.

Proof that despite her disability, she was the best.

Of course she was the best. Nessarose was best at having Father’s love, best at being prettier than her sister, best at being embarrassed by her sister, best at getting what she wanted, best at loving Boq (or maybe not), best at being a dictator of the Munchkins, and the best Wicked Witch.

In those moments before the house hits, before she is flattened by what must be the weight of her sins and selfishness, Nessarose finally realizes that she deserves it.

It’s because of Boq. It’s because she trapped him with her love—in this sudden clarity, she can realize she was never anything but a pity date—and then killed him with it.

It’s because of the Munchkins. It’s because she sought to control them all in her quest for Boq’s love, in her obsession and insanity.

It’ because of Elphaba. It’s because her sister would have done anything for her, and Nessa always took advantage of it. It’s because Nessarose was always ashamed of her sister’s looks and oddities.

It’s because, even if she was the best, she could never do the right thing.

She couldn’t accept her sister, couldn’t let Boq go, couldn’t rule the Munchkins justly, and couldn’t move past the fact she was stuck in that damn chair while everyone could walk. Nessarose couldn’t accept that she, the pretty one, the polite one, the charming one, was trapped in that cage, while her deformed sister got to run around and climb trees and play at being a vigilante and make friends while Nessarose had to rely on her for everything!

Bitterness, angry and familiar, bubbles inside her, and maybe she does deserve this end, but is it really her fault?

Boq could have let her down before she got so attached. Glinda could have intervened. Elphaba could have stayed and not abandoned her.

Elphaba could have saved her.

But she didn’t.

Elphaba was always too concerned with politics, and Glinda, and Animal Rights, and her stupid magic book, to save her sister.

Blame comes easily with bitterness—easier than self-pity, at any rate, and no less rewarding. After all, blame and bitterness don’t stop the house, and pity—if anyone could ever feel it for her again—probably wouldn’t either.

But still, she deserves this, if nothing else. Even if it’s not her fault and there are people who deserve a fate like this one, if not this exact fate.

Elphaba probably deserves to be melted, and Glinda deserved to have Fiyero leave her, and… Boq never deserved to be turned into Tin, but that’s her fault, isn’t it?

His only sin was affability and loving Glinda. Poor sweet Boq.

If only the house could have fallen on her before she destroyed him. If only the universe could have realized she deserved this all along and saved everyone from the heartbreak she caused. But that’s not how it works, is it?

No—she’d had to break everything herself, had to really deserve it, before the house was ready to fall.

She really had to become the Wicked Witch of the East.

What sort of irony is that, anyway? She is no Witch, no practicer of magic. The one time she had tried it had resulted in catastrophe. No—it’s simply Oz’s way of reminding the whole world that she and Elphaba are related, of reminding them that because one sister is evil, both must be.

Frankly, Nessarose knows that, while Elphaba is the Witch, she herself is the ‘Wicked’ one.

Was the ‘Wicked’ one.

After all, thinking about yourself in present tense when you’re about to be squashed by a house is kind of a moot point.

It’s only then that she realizes—after her long string of realizations—that maybe if she lives, if she can get away from the falling house, maybe she can set things right. Maybe she can find Boq and Elphaba and maybe there’s some way to reverse the spell. And, while she’s at it, maybe she’ll free the Munchkins and reform herself.

But she can’t move fast enough—her legs are still too weak from her years in that chair. Walking is still new, running even newer, and she can’t get out of the way.

A house gives Nessarose her comeuppance.

And even the magical shoes, which are the only proof of love she has or will ever have, can’t save her now. Won’t Elphaba feel like a failure? Shouldn’t the shoes’ magical properties have been able to save her from a house of all things?

But they can’t—because just like always, whenever Nessarose has ever really needed her sister, she’s never there. Whenever she has counted on Elphaba, it’s never worked in Nessa’s favor.

Of course, it’s the instant before the house ends her that Nessarose realizes that her sister can’t even save herself, why would she be able to save Nessa?

A family of failures, that’s what they are. They deserve to be wiped from Oz.

Too bad there’s only one house on the horizon.

And Nessarose knows that this house has her name written all over it and she deserves it too. She screws her eyes shut and it falls on top of her, and then she’s gone, only her red shiny shoes saved from the destruction.

Ding dong the witch is dead. Which old witch? The wicked witch! Ding dong the wicked bitch is dead!


End file.
